It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
