I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
