His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
