Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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