it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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