i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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