I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize