my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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