check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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