i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
