She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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