I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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