ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
