Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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