True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
