Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
