i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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