he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dignity is for republicans.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize