if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
