someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize