Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
