Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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