Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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