take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
