there's paper in my vomit.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
