I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
