Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
