guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
