I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize