We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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