at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
