He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
