so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
