i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
