yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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