I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
