just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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