forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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