I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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