why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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