So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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