I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize