I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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