ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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