That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
