all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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