you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
