Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
