Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
