Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
