Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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