I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
