So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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