Umm I'm too high to move.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
His nipple licking is glorious
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