I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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