i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
