38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
