At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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