I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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