Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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