Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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