Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
