I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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