someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
