Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
