so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize