Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
