Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
