You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
