if i can run in heels then i can drive
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
