Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
