Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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