no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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