Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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