OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
