A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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