So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
