I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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