May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
