Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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