Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
