I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
