So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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