Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
