i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
bring money and cleavage
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
