Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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