actually, I'm a sock model
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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