Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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