So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
