I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
