morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
