I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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