i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
