Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
