I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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