Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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