I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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