I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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