So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize