This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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