You made me cry and you don't even care
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
