i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
