DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
