Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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