New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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